Love Cow ov Metal

Trollway

2010-04-29T23:09:00.010+03:00

Thanks to the allmighty MACHINE FUCKING HEAD's legendary discussion board, The Fronlines, on their website, I had a very fortunate privilege to thurst my metal horns into this new great Norwegian band, formed in Oslo three years ago, including one member of the forum, Marius Skarsem Pedersen (guitars and vocals). Besides Marius aka Maggai, ASPHERIUM consists of drummer Bjorn Tøre Erlandsen (drums), who are also in death metal band ABNORMAL with Marius, by the way and worth to check out too, and bassist Torgeir Lyby Pettersen, who also does backing vocals.

Unlike the satanictastically tasty Finnish trio VORUM, introduced earlier here in my barn, ASPHERIUM doesn't rely solely their thunderstorm-like (death) metal compositions on old, school and classic 90's Swedish death metal. Instead, they take their heavy package to the other extreme side of the death 'n' metal world: progressive, moody, melodic and touching but still keeping things as they should be, dark, brutal, sinister, heavy and metal and doing it with four letters written in the back of their cod-stinking heads: E, P, I and C (which does not stand for Extremely Progressive Insane Cunt, you narrow-minded duck, just fucking epic. Got it?).

Anyway, fast-forward to the year 2009. The first demo, The Lingering Animosity, which is on heavy rotation in my barn at the moment, had just been recorded and then couple of months later, in September, a second guitarist, Morten Nielsen, was added to the line-up. Currently playing live gigs, ASPHERIUM is one of the most talented and innovative bands I've heard in ages, always giving something new to the listener. And just like their fellow country heroes EMPEROR and Swedish OPETH, ASPHERIUM does their music with high talent and potential to grow bigger and bigger by time. Yes, scandinavian metal music fucking rules!

When I first heard the track Dawn of Apocalypse Rising, I instantly wanted to buy their albums, EPs, singles and whatever they had been released. As many as there would be, it didn't matter, I had to have their music! But I found out that first of all they are still without a record deal and the only released album is hard-to-find promo-CD. What the Fabio! Like EVER CIRCLING WOLVES, also visited here in my metal barn earlier and still in demo plus live gig phase, definitely needs more and more support and more success, luck and attention from both metal music fans and media. They deserve it!

So, only one demo under their imagenary bullet pelts and church ash-smelling corpse paints, it is a shame that great bands like ASPHERIUM gets stuck and hidden behind total shit, bollock and garbage of other so called metal acts and MySpace horrors and nightmares. I'm not saying ASPHERIUM will be the next EMPEROR or OPETH or even continutation for Finnish INSOMNIUM, but give these guys a chance and be amazed, just like I was an still am. But for a teenager who has never heard of the bands mentioned above, ASPHERIUM just might become their very own OPETH and/or EMPEROR. If I trust these guy, you better trust 'em too! ...and give them all the support and credit they deserve. Just put your hooves and horns up, say MOOARGH! and enjoy.

While the guys themselves might be horrendous troll look-a-likes, cod-munching, church-burning, oil-abusing, slalom fuckers, their music fucking owns...and rips your, my and everybody's ugly turf! I'll give you now three reasons why:

1. Dawn of Apocalypse Rising

ZYKLON meets KEEP OF KALESSIN meets OPETH.

The opening track is the most brutal song on the promo. First minute and 36 seconds goes fast, really bursting out that Norway metal mayhem into your ears, and that's not the only fun part here. After the first part of the song, imagine a big horde of angry (and horny) bulls loping towards you, earth bouncing, you are afraid...and then those crazy behemoths brake in front of you just to listen to the great solo around 2:40 and those lovely double basses with you...smile on everybody's snout. Nice indeed. Fucking ace.

2. World on Fire

The second track shows the so called metalcore side of the band and introduces also some vocal lines made familiar by bands such as KILLSWITCH INGAGE and ALL THAT REMAINS, for example. This song, to be honest, is not the way I want this band to develope but the main thing that caught my attention is again the great guitar work and the ending that sets a big foot to the floor and crushes all, everyone and everything, that dares to come in front.

Like some of the songs in IN MOURNING's catalogy, this song has a lot of potential to be very very very good and exciting but some minor parts in it make it sound a bit too fluff, meaning it's too darn plain and it lacks that something extra ingredient to be more distinguishable. Good song, no doubt, but doesn't really set my world, or even my barn, on fire.

3. Blackpoint Millenium

Now here we go again cowboys and cowgirls!
Did I mentioned the word epic here already?
Yes, but not enough: E-FUCKING-PIC!

This is it, this is the song that defines ASPHERIUM. If all melodic death metal songs would be like this, I wouldn't have any troubles finding excellent music for my barn dances. Just listen to those growls in the intro part, reminds me a lot of NEUROSIS and ZATOKREV.

There's also acoustic parts, and structures and song parts made known by ENSLAVED's new songs. And now the clean vocals and harmonies sound something else than those emo-whining fag pussies. This song has the real emotion I look for. This song IS Norway at night time when you frolic down the fjords alone, only a moon as your companion. A song that stands for letters, E, P, I and C.

While there's a lot of examples to other bands (as always in my texts), they are only meant as a guiding lines. ASPEHRIUM stands already(!) firmly on their hairy(?) feet but you can clearly hear the influences and this final track shows the best parts of ASPHERIUM and how well the band twines different elements together and make them sound a big, massive song without trying too much or pushing it too far away from their own area, but still sounding hungry and wanting more and more. ...and cod damn those guitars! Awesome.

So, there you have it.
Take it or cry and take it.
It's Norway or the highway.
I won't you give you a second chance as a matter of fact, you WILL take it!

I really am on my trollway...

Good luck and all the best for these guys, trolls, or whatever beasts they even are.
Only cod knows...

Download

Buy

\m/ - Part 3

2010-04-19T21:59:00.013+03:00

Want it or not (not that I would even ask anyway!), it is time to put out a sequel to Part 1 and Part 2 in the series of \m/ ie. fuck yeah! This time \m/ equels the best technical and brutal death metal act on the planet at the moment: NILE. Yes, that same American, now almost 20-year old, band that is named after the famous river in Egypt, Africa and making songs about those everyday manners and issues of single mothers' such as death, torture and Egyptian mythology with very informativily and highly detailed way, just like H. P. Lovecraft did in his epic books.

It was 1993 when these three, now in almost legend-worthy status, metal-addicted propel heads formed NILE: Karl Sanders (vocals/guitar/bass/keyboards), Chief Spires (bass/vocals) and Pete Hammoura (drums/vocals), who were formerly known as MORRIAH, a thrash band who never got signed, but who cares about that band anymore... Later on the line-up has changed several times, basically only in the drum section, but that is the one thing that separates NILE from others: quality drummers in every sinlge record. Even though Dallas Toler-Wade came to play guitars and bass plus do vocals in 2000, he was previously doing drumming for LECHEROUS NOCUTURNE, which is still active and highly recommended band for every death metal loving fanatic! But after Pete Hammoura, the drummer's stool was first replaced in Black Seed of Vengeance (2000) by Derek Roddy (of MALEVOLENT CREATION, HATE ETERNAL, DEBONING METHOD, INTERNECINE, DIVINE EMPIRE, COUNCIL OF THE FALLEN, which is now known as DEICIDE drummer Steve Asheim's band ORDER OF ENNEAD, AURORA BOREALIS and BLOTTED SCIENCE) then by Tony Laureano (ACHERON, ANGELCORPSE, ASTAROTH, GOD DETHRONED, INTERNECINE, MALEVOLENT CREATION, NIDINGR, 1349, who are releasing a new album, Demonoir, this spring by the way, AURORA BOREALIS, BELPHEGOR, BRUJERIA, DEVOLUTION, DIMMU BORGIR, EULOGY, NAPHOBIA, NACHTMYSTIUM, also releasing a new album this year, called Addicts: Black Meddle Pt. 2, SANCITIFICATION, but not the Swedish one though, THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER, INSIDIOUS DISEASE and KULT OV AZAZEL) until 2004. Finally, now as a stable drummer and percussionist in the line-up, jumped in the river the Greek God George Kollias (of SICKENING HORROR, NIGHTFALL, THE CIRCLE OF ZAPHYAN, SYSTEM SHOCK, EXTREMITY OBSESSION and CEREBRUM). And what a drum God he is!

If that's not impressive enough for your high-standard taste, then their music will do the talking and simply prove all those names mentioned above are worth every expectation of the most top meaning of your pro and quality and awesome. Their songs are as crazy, epic, explosive, interesting, impressive, sick, stunning, taunting and wicked as their titles suggest. Just check out the songs Papyrus Containing the Spell to Preserve Its Possessor Against Attacks From He Who Is in the Water (from Ithyphallic released 2007):

and Chapter of Obeisance Before Giving Breath to the Inert One in the Presence of the Crescent Shaped Horns (from Annihilation of the Wicked released 2005):

and of course the self-explanatory titled Masturbating the War God (from Black Seeds of Vengeance relesed 2000):

Yes, yes and YES!!!
Oh yes my Ra!!!
Def-fucking-initely worth of every \m/ and a full fucking set of juicy, sweaty and bouncy udders.

Now,
Ingest
Limb-crushing
Epicness.

This is the band you should worship ...and write useless blog posts about. Jump in the waves of NILE and get wet.

Download
Buy

Scumtastic!

2010-04-18T22:25:00.007+03:00

Finland's undeniably the best grindcore act ROTTEN SOUND has released a new udder-twitling EP, Napalm, to both support their forthcoming full-length, later this year (hooves crossed though), and also to pay a tribute to Godfathers, Pioneers and God knows what of grind metal, NAPALM DEATH.

Consisting of three new tracks (Mindkill, Dead Remains and Brainload) and three NAPALM DEATH covers (The Kill, Missing Link and Suffer the Children), this EP simply proves, once again, why ROTTEN SOUND still stands and rages firmly, and quite easily to be honest, in the same category as NASUM once did. But as it with their songs, I'll keep this text short, sharp and tight: just let these rapid shotgun-like tunes into your ears and enjoy the sounds of rotten death and napalm. It really doesn't get any more grindier than this!

Also, make sure to get your hooves on the actual copy of the album, since the artwork, and the package itself, is simply awesome! While the cover art is a fine tuned and updated version of NAPALM DEATH's debut, Scum, as another bonus you get full live set DVD from Obscene Extreme festival 2007. What else could you ask for?

Yes, that's what I thought too.

So, grind those horns of yours, get them fired up like no tomorrow and dance with a smile on your meaty muzzle, my cowboys and cowgirls...from Hell.

Download

Buy

N.I.B. - Nativity in Barn

2010-04-17T00:21:00.010+03:00

You know, there are tribute albums and then there are Tribute albums...to BLACK SABBATH! If there's one (or two) albums that you should get, when it comes to paying a tribute to any artist, band or whatever it is that takes to present music, songs and other noise acts and syndromes, it is these two tribute albums released 1994 and 2000, called Nativity in Black - A Tribute to Black Sabbath and Nativity in Black II - A Tribute to Black Sabbath.

Why, you ask.

Shut up, I reply, and tell you to check out two reasons why, both being the tracklists of those albums mentioned:

Reason I:
1. BIOHAZARD: After Forever
2. WHITE ZOMBIE: Children of the Grave
3. MEGADETH: Paranoid
4. 1,000 HOMO DJ's: Supernaut
5. OZZY OSBOURNE w/THERAPY?: Iron Man
6. CORROSION OF CONFORMITY: Lord of This World
7. SEPULTURA: Symptom of the Universe
8. BULLRING BRUMMIES: The Wizard
9. BRUCE DICKINSON w/GODSPEED: Sabbath Bloody Sabbath
10. UGLY KID JOE: N.I.B.
11. FAITH NO MORE: War Pigs (live)
12. TYPE O NEGATIVE: Black Sabbath
13. CATHEDRAL: Solitude (bonustrack)

Reason II:
1. GODSMACK: Sweet Leaf
2. MACHINE HEAD: Hole in the Sky
3. STATIC-X: Behind the Wall of Sleep
4. MEGADETH: Never Say Die
5. SYSTEM OF A DOWN: Snowblind
6. PANTERA: Electric Funeral
7. PRIMUS w/OZZY: N.I.B.
8. SLAYER: Hand of Doom
9. SOULFLY: Under the Sun
10. HED(PE): Sabbra Cadabra
11. MONSTER MAGNET: Into the Void
12. BUSTA RHYMES: Iron Man (This Means War)

Do I need to say more?
Yeah, that's what I thought too.

Download
Buy

Everybody Dies...

2010-04-15T23:24:00.004+03:00

R.I.P. Peter Steele (1962 - 2010)

Demicod

2010-04-05T23:15:00.007+03:00

Time for a well-hidden gem (for most of the readers anyway) and all who know me (yes, I know, I know...and I DO feel sorry for them), I've tried at least one occasion or another stuff this band and album in their hands, ears, toes or crotch one way or another. It is one of those albums that should be in every metal-loving bastards record collection without any excuses.

The year was 2005 when I met this cod-stinking five-piece from Kongsvinger, Norway. I gotta say that year was pretty good regarding finding new music and bands such as FRANTIC BLEEP. In similar manner like their black metal and avantgarde fansy pantsy metallers EMPEROR (just listen to those Ihsahn-like screams), ARCTURUS (variable song structures), SOLEFALD (pure black metal annihilation) and VED BUENS ENDE (exploration to the max), FRANTIC BLEEP offers challenging and inspiring but very fluent and mature metal music to anyone who is ready to give them more time than 2 minutes and 30 seconds.

Words experimental and prgoressive are taken to another level but not in that shitty jazzy way, where everything sounds like a fucking messy twister without a plot and a big smelly washing machine full of distrubing senseless noises. This is different, this is enjoyable. Could I say creativelly unique black and experimental proge metal that should also appeal to fans of CYNIC, GOJIRA, MESHUGGAH, OBSCURA, OPETH and VOIVOD.

Each track of the album is worth to listen to and that's one reason alone to say The Sense Apparatus was the best debut album of the year 2005! Just listen to Sins of Omission or Mandaugher and be amazed like you were hit by a cod in your face, twice.

There's something for everybody: pop music lovers, Mike Patton razzmatazzers, TOOL's atmosphere adoreers, trve evil black metallers, avant garde weirdos, proge masturbators and brutal headbangers. But this album still stays a firm example of not over-doing anything. And that's the magic of this Norwegian group of locos that needs to be heard by more and more average (metal) music consumers.

Now it's your time to get to know this band as well as I. Do it all you will regret. Only one demo released, Fluctuadmission, in 2002 and one album in 2005, it's pretty obvious that we need another one. And I am still wondering, how on earth this album, band so young, and yet so talented didn't get anymore fans and attention back then?

I am astonished by all things considering this magnificent band of Norsk trolls.
Join me.

Download

Buy

\m/ - Part 2

2010-04-05T16:47:00.016+03:00

Part 1 was bloody good but come here again my little fly-fearing furry friend of Finntasticness and follow the fun:

Full-lengths, The Morning Never Came (2003), Ghosts of Loss (2005), Hope (2007) and New Moon (2009), EP, Plague of Butterflies (2008) and singles Forgive Her... (2005) and Don't Fall Asleep (2007), they all are here, for you.

Love, hope and faith, forget them.
Swallow these masterpieces of death, grief, loss and despair.

Get them.
Now!

Download
Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Moorning Beloveth

2010-04-05T15:34:00.009+03:00

You hardly see a cow shedding a tear, do you? But there are occasions when especially this hay-munching poor bastard fatass needs to go to a dark corner and weep desperately. When that time arrives, MOURNING BELOVETH is my company in misery. Just like their fellow islanders, legendary British MY DYING BRIDE and PRIMORDIAL, these Irish furry men create soundscapes of anguish, despair, loneliness, tragic scenes and harmony of majestic epicness.

Often described as a b-side act of doom metal, but make no mistake about when I lay down some facts for you right now, right here: albums such as utterly fantastic debut Dust and its followers, The Sullen Sulcus and A Disease for the Ages, are prime examples of this genre's finest creations. Melancholic doom metal in its best form, MOURNING BELOVETH, ladies and gentleman. Stick your horns in this pile of shi...shimmering, yet dark and devastating band of slow killing of everything happy.

Do yourself a favour now, wipe away that seriously annoying smile of yours, start drowning in distress and listen to Doom metal with a capital D. No experimental shit or artsy hippie faggots, nor fake-ass guitar studio gimmicks or state-of-the-art drum machines, this is the real Deal.

Doom, Death and Despair.

Do a deed and dwell on...

Download
Buy

The Biggest Surprise of the Year

2010-04-02T23:33:00.026+03:00

Wow!!!
I just listened to KIUAS' new album, Lustdriven.

I don't know what to say.
I am speechless.

Download

Buy

P.S.

I was so damn ready to pass this album, just ignore it completely because of KIUAS' previous albums and the impression I've gotten of them. Then I was so darn ready to listen to it, once, and bash this piece of album like a little mouse under my hoof, but oh behold! This album just went straight into my Top 10 of best albums this year so far! How the hell that happened?!? I am not stoned, drunk or high or anyhthing. I am simply amazed...or full of Easter eggs...

Let's revise a bit. I was listening to LAIR OF THE MINOTAUR's new great great great album Evil Power when I decided to give one listen to KIUAS' new, fourth album, Lustdriven, since it had gotten excellent reviews already (release date was 31st of March). I thought, why not, but it's power metal. High, higher, the highest vocal squawks, imagenary dragons, big swords, majestic castles and more evil purple and red dragons, white wizards and hippy elves and big juicy muscles of warriors riding with more muscular horses and lots of guitar shredding with annoying keyboard solos á la Nintendo and Commondore 64. (I prefer Nintendo if you are wondering, fits better for my clumpsy hooves.)

At first this album may sound like a copy of any CHILDREN OF BODOM's albums with clean powerful signing, but of course inlcuding screams of yeah and uuh and aah, and combinations of those, you know, that typical "macho" bullshit. But more you listen to this album the more it reveals about itself and more happier and happier you get. The more changes you give this album the more secrets, shades and nuanses you are about to hear. This album is addictive. It's not like power metal is bad or anything, but I am not big fan of it at all, occasional sessions with DIO or HELLOWEEN and that's it. But here we are: fanatic and excited as kids in circus.

But what makes this album so special and separates Lustdriven from DIO and HELLOWEEN for example. First, this album most certainly appeals to fans of TAROT, KALMAH, SENTENCED (new era), AMORAL (with new singer Ari Koivunen), IRON MAIDEN, and of course traditional guitar shredding of heavy fucking metal! Then, it has this thrash vibe in it that makes the combination of all those mentioned above so much more crunchier and stomping like furious Scott Ian in action. And not only KIUAS is Finnish (always a bonus) but it is one of the best melodic metal albums of the year and easily their best album so far. It's exciting, surprising, joyful, full of skillful and masterful instrumental parts and orchestral additions in vein of NIGHTWISH and FINNTROLL's new album Nifelvind. Not to mention the vocalist Ilja Jalkanen who has gotten so much better and better during the excistence of KIUAS. Pro-stuff all the way, no matter how you listen to it.

KIUAS, also known of being a regural visitor in SAUNA OPEN AIR FESTIVAL in Finland, for obvious reasons (you non-Finns just check out what kiuas means in here), has easily done the best, the biggest, the most interesting and fresh new album of the year. Also produced by Janne Joutsenniemi of STONE and SUB-URBAN TRIBE and mixed by Mikko Karmila and you're sure to get the best sound quality from Finland at the moment!

You definitely need to hear this. Get this album one way or another and enjoy it, just like I'm gonna do now again...and again.

This is pure happy metal carnival.

Cow - The Most Metal Animal

2010-03-31T15:20:00.009+03:00

\m/

2010-03-30T23:03:00.014+03:00

Brutal
Like
Ox
On
Drugs,
Fabulously
Udder-tickling,
Cows
Kicking,
Incredibly
Narcotic
Gang,
Bursting
Anus
To
Hades

Download
Buy

Download
Buy

Download
Buy

Download
Buy

Download
Buy

Easter's Sacrifice

2010-03-29T23:54:00.015+03:00

In Finland threre's this little island called Åland. Not only it is familiar of its famous Taffel chips factory but it is the place many Finns go to cycle like maniacs and pig out delicious pancakes with strawberry jam (my fave too, by the way) during the short summer season we are given. Åland is a typical place to visit when you want sunshine, family vacations, swimming in ocean and people who only speak Swedish while they are still Finnish but still act like they don't know a single fucking word of Perkele language. Confused? Forget it for a while because last year something special happened in its tiny music scene, and even tinier metal music scene, when one young trio, consisting of Matti Jalava (guitar), Jonatan Johansson (guitar and vocals) and Mikko Josefsson (drums), recorded 666 horns-filled mini-CD.

Smoothy Strawberry Fields it ain't called, it is Grim Death Awaits. The band is VORUM (not to be confused with this great Polish hardcore-influenced metal aggression group, VERUM, with some smart-ass members in it). They were formerly known as HAUDANKAIVAJA (= grave digger) but that name was rejected quite fast. After 3 years of their existence, they reached the pinnacle of their careeer: attention of their first demo and a cover story made by one of the most famous Finnish (metal) music magazines in the recent years, INFERNO. Things were starting to look good for this band, oh yes indeed. And still does.

While we all are waiting for our udders and nipples, or whatever you want to keep fired up, hard for their first full-length, it's time to revive this mini-CD, which actually is a re-recorded version of their first demo under the name of HAUDANKAIVAJA, and use it in our Jesus-mocking black masses in the upcoming Easter. This mini-CD is a perfect soundtrack for that! After its intro track, They Are The Dead, hammering goes fast as bull in spring rut. It IS old and it IS school, like it's 1990 again. And that's the spirit!

The title track, Grim Death Awaits (video above), is a pure holocaust of fire-filled black soul death metal mutilation, similar to CONVULSE (still remember they were here?). But this time the tempo is lifted to more satanically spheres. And that's not all, the singer/guitarist Jonatan Johansson, barely reached his twenties, puke out some fine examples of death metal growls á la The Underworld. Tasty...

In about twenty minutes you get 8 seriously fast and powerful death burst that you cannot help but love, and want more. It was love at first sight for me. And the feeling like that is unforgettable. This mini-CD really smashes all the muscles and tendos (from your testicles), leaving only few crumbles of bones left of your entire body, just listen to Ritual Desecration or Obscure Rites for example!

If you like CARNAGE, ENTOMBED, GOREFEST, GRAVE, NIHILIST and REPULSION among others, you just cannot pass this chance VORUM gives you. Do as I say, and do as I do: up the horns!

It's grim metal!!!
It's death metal!!!
What are you awaiting for?!?

Get some VORUM in your Easter dinner table, make the feast tasty, and devour it all!
You know you want to.
Take it.

Like the legend Tom G. Warrior (TRIPTYKON) himself said: "Only death is real!"
So true-moo.

Download
Buy

Mookoma

2010-03-27T22:54:00.033+02:00

All the non-Finns might not have hay of a clue what the word mokoma means and not that you should anyway, because it's simply a slightly amusing Finnish word, and just like the famous sisu, it's hard to translate literally, so I won't even go there. Do your own detective job and go to the places you always seem to wander: Poogle and Wikiturdia et al. I'm not the one to do it for you. The truth can be found there. It IS out there, in case you didn't already know it. But as a side note, it must be let known that mokoma is not something you need to just pass with sighs, shrughs and blah blah's. Even Donald Duck is a fan and uses the phrase mokoma daily. So, there you have it. MOKOMA, an established corporation from Finland, for your ears only.

You might already guessed it, MOKOMA, the band I am delving into, is a Finnish metal band singing, articulating and raging in Finnish, in language I only understand clearly. Even their fan-favourite cover of DEATH's Open Casket, Avoin Hauta, was sang completely in Finnish. But again, I must point out that don't you dare to jump off the horse yet, my dear farm fan, because these cowboys do have fine albums and medleys in their discography. Oh yes they most cuddingly do.

After being kicked out of the major label EMI after the turn of the millenium, also after being released two not-so-gratifying albums, Valu (1999) and Mokoma 120 Päivää (2001) (which both were re-released by the same label in 2005 when MOKOMA had already got same fame, fanbase, fortune and wider attention in media overall, by the way), they decided to set up their own record label, Sakara Records, run completely by them-five-selves there are, giving them the much desired full artistic freedom, so to say. And at the moment, Sakara Records is a very well-known label in here, not only because of MOKOMA, but also because of bands such as DIABLO, STAM1NA and RYTMIHÄIRIÖ. So, when it was time to release their third album, which I like to refer as their debut, Kurimus in 2003 it was quite a big shock in the Finnish music media. Their anthem Takatalvi (video below) was thought to be as a some sort of joke a while but when the rest of the songs from Kurimus was let out to the ears of livestock, it didn't take long enough for music enthusiastics like me to jump in this bandwagon. And still, up till today, Kurimus is a fine milestone both in their and Finnish metal music history.

As the metal music, especially metal sang in Finnish, was getting a lot of hype with a lot of bands in that time, biggest of them being Timo Rautiainen & TRIO NISKALAUKAUS, (nowadays only performing as solo), which soon was replaced by the surprising fame of KOTITEOLLISUUS (sometimes reminding of a horrible metal version of POPEDA *yaiks*), who actually are more close to pop 'n' rock nowadays than anything to metal. Of all those bands during the hip, hop and hype season of devastating, grey, and miserable Finnish metal music, VIIKATE is still fine example of how doing things right, keeping the dignity but also humour in their music, live shows and other releases.

But hoopey doo, let's not go into that right now, that era is gone and almost forgotten. Let's concentrate on MOKOMA and their new album, Sydänjuuret, which is fifth album done in more metal-based standars. Their second, Tämän Maailman Ruhtinaan Hovi (2004), and third, Kuoleman Laulukunnaat (2006), both showed a great way of improving their song writing where it was left in Kurimus. While Tämän Maailman Ruhtinaan Hovi added more varied tones of metal genres and also made a very big impact both among music critics (like me) and fans (like me), Kuoleman Laulukunnaat changed the disfigured face of MOKOMA a bit: it was time to tune down and go br00tal! They did it well but somehow that album is usually put behind the shadow of the first two great albums. Shame. But just like Kuoleman Laulukunnaat, also their fourth album, Luihin Ja Ytimiin (2007), is being considered as a lowpoint of their career. And THAT I back that up. Shame, again. Despite the low points, I am sure the new MOKOMA record will top the chart just like artists such as APULANTA and YÖ seem to do every-freaking-fucking-time they give a birth to a new calf of carols and let them out to the world.

So, here we are, coming back to the future and three years after the last full-length, it is time to bring MOKOMA out and alive again. The package, limited book edition (just like STAM1NA's new awesome album, Viimeinen Atlantis, or Jarkko Martikainen's solo album Toivo, are fine examples of doing album art work well and even taking it to the next level in Finlandia. Not going to the same route as TOOL's Aenima, Lateralus or even 10,000 Days, but similar to idea of vinyls: big cover, big pictures, comfortable hand feeling and especially something concrete to hold onto. Much credits goes to the inside drawings done by Ville Pirinen and design by Tero Salonen of TITANIK HELSINKI.And before anyone in there starts to bitch, I will say it for once in here: I am NOT the one to start moan and whine like a little bloody toad under a car wheel about these book packages not fitting in the shelf or CD-cases. On the contary: these get my eyes brighten up like a full sack of sperm.

The starting point for Sydänjuuret looks comforting but what about the main content then, becuse that is what usually matters the most. Well, this time I think it's better to go a little more detailed than usually, like SLAYER: Piece by Piece! So, let's get into the album with track-by-track look. Really cut this album into pieces, since it is not so easy to say with just few sentences, is it piss, bollocks or, as we use to say here, up the horns! Let's get deeper and deeper (not underground), shall we.

But before that, little facts straight: the concept of the last album was basically human vs. technology, mankind's evolution and what is really real in us. Where our base is as humanbeings among other animals and in animal kingdom overall. This time the main idea is to take a step into the cold history of Finland, but not being actually patriotic or simply stupid skin-head, Marko Annala tells in his lyrics his view of his home land, Finland and its bountiful gifts.

1. Sydänjuuret (4.23)

"Roots, bloody roots!", is it? Well, almost but at least the title refers to it and this song, as being the title song of the album, concentrates on the main idea of the album: our roots, our Finnish roots and heritage. What is that we have to understand of our past, why we should admire and respect our fathers and mother, our grandparents, our great grandparents and forefathers long before that, and also their heritage.

But musically, song isn't as courageous as you might expect. Sydänjuuret is a really basic opener for MOKOMA corporation. It is fast, pure metal song that also includes unfortunately the weakest link of the troop: Marko Annala's clean vocals hitting quite immediately after the song has kicked in. Okay, you may hate Billy Corgan's (THE SMASHING PUMPKINS) nasal whiny, korny and bitchy, feminine singing, but Marko Annala has his own way to deliver those compulsory clean vocals of this band. He sounds like any of the standard rock/pop singers expressing their heartaches in small karaoke clubs (too many in here by the way).

But as things turn to more faster and more crunchier, Marko Annala, this time fortunaltey, shows his other side: The Beast. Yes, he also can use his deeper, manly and cut-throat voice. And those last death metal gang screams sure gets my rumen feeling like there's something really interesting going on. But basically this song is nothing new in the world of MOKOMA. As much as the band hate it themselves, this is a safe (just listen to the radio-friendly chorus) and familiar (100 % MOKOMA verses) song by them.

Sydänjuuret is perhaps a new, quite proper addition to the upcoming tour and live set but that's all. Not an anthem, not a hit, not something that I'd get and fuck it all over.

2. Vastavirtaan (3.41)

Better that the first track? Well, better than your Mom's 6-month old toothbrush. You can hear same guitar-drive as in MUSE's most well-known songs, like Stockholm Syndrome for example, but then again it's not always a good thing, is it?

In this case it's not that big deal. This song is BIG, this song is a kick in your dry nuts. This song also has some potential live screamos for fans: "ROAR!", but don't get your cock too sweaty and all hard yet, since there is again nothing that impressive that they haven't already done before.

Okay, this song also has some punk-attitude in it, which seriously is something I like when it's added with a good portion with good metal riffs. It does work here in some places but the more I listen to this track, the more I tend to wait the other songs. But one big bonus have to be granted for the thunderous MESHUGGAH mayhem at the last part of the song. Do I need to say more about that? Up the horns...and moosh!

3. Ei kahta sanaa (ilman kolmatta) (2.33)

So, what do we have here then? A protest song? A funk song? A Superman tribute? No, no and no. It's a love song. Yep. A same kind of pop composition like made well-known by APULANTA for example, but only sung in vein of EPPU NORMAALI. A short easy song that most certainly goes in one ear and out the other. Even the solo before the two minute mark doesn't save this song.

It sure has to be a great love "anthem" for teenagers with some angst under their acne-filled faces and oh-so-rebellious souls. A song that has tender message but still sounding properly dangerous for young ears. They sure love this.

What about me then? "Hah-hah!", this song sure doesn't make me sing "Can you feel the love tonight...". I can write a review about really hard and really touching love songs sometimes but those have nothing to do with MOKOMA, ma'dear reader.

4. Vääräleuka (3.29)

While I still wonder, A LOT, why the previous song was even recorded and released, this one on the other hand is one vealfucking cowfucker! Up in your lousy ass! If a man with a voice like Marko Annala in this song would come to scream and call me back to barn, I'd bounce in as fast as possible, a tail between my legs.

Very cool, kick-ass song...and wait until you get to the part at 1.26 - 1.45! The second verse is like a hoof in your snotty snout! And if that doesn't make you hornbang then don't ever wonder why you listen to metal music at all, you cheap rat!

Also, there's a bit of church ashes in here, burned by black metal fan but only in tiny portions.
But you can still smell them...and boy they smell pleasent. *Mmmmm*...

5. Kristuksen ruumis ja pedon pää (5.33)

MOKOMA goes epic and proge, or much rather this is like Pauli Hanhiniemi goes metal. If you think if that's good or bad, go to YouTube (save yourself and DON'T go) and search for Kahvia ja tupakkaa, or whatever the title of that jingle is anyway, *sigh*.

Marko Annala's clean vocals alone makes my teeth grind again and look for something else to block my ears, mud perhaps? This song really tries to be epic and heartfel, probably passionate too, but if the lyrics include some horrbile choices from children poems added to more relationship-connected context, it just plainly sucks. Not that there's anything wrong using children poems or rhymes in song lyrics but this is an example how not to do it.

But what do I hear again between 4.16 and 4.38? Yes, our Swede friends: MESHUGGAH.
Eat that! Eat it all and cher it well! If only these weren't in such doses spreaded here, this song would show to the world that it has more testicels than just two miserable ones. And after that the song goes back to the same boring, plain and uninspiring route as it had begun. Can I sigh?

6. Niin hyville kuin pahoille (3.24)

Here we go again: typical thrashter-piece by MOKOMA with Marko Annala's ghastly trademark clean vocals right from the beginning of the song. Though, in the bridge there's NWOBHM-like guitar lead and harmony and puts a little smile in my furry face but sad thing that's the only joy of this otherwise poor and average song.

This could very well be a good song made by any of the unknow bands of Finnish metal scene but when you hear a song like this by MOKOMA you just can't help but be disappointed.

7. Rautaa rinnoista (4.04)

For once in this album we get something new and inspiring from the land of mookoma! And even the title of the song is pure metal: "Iron Udders", well almost. But it is clear that this song have been inspired, even if it really isn't, by no other than IRON MAIDEN and 80's heavy metal generally. Just listen to the chorus when the guitarists Kuisma Aalto and Tuomas Saikkonen unleashes some maidenisms from their strings. THAT is something that gets stuck between my horns. Hooray! And boy and cow, how Marko spits his lyrics!

At this point I must moo that both the guitarists are top players and praisworthy, they have always been, and I still love their playing and shredding in every album they've done. Nothing wrong in that section. No way-hay. But the thing in MOKOMA creation work is, who has written the main parts and riffs for the song: Marko Annala, Kuisma Aalto, Tuomo Saikkonen or the bassist, Santtu Hämäläinen.

Everyone of them has their own standard way of working and showing it in their songs but some of may fave tunes have been surprisingly done by Santtu "The Dreadcock" Hämäläinen! His love for grind/death metal can be heard always clearly, just like in Vääräleuka in the current album, and I DO LOVE IT!

If MOKOMA's latest efforts, this album included, would have more songs like these, I'd call to Marko Annala personally and said to him: I want you to milk me. Rautaa rinnoista is, first of all, very danceable (like most metal songs are anyway), and secondly, very uplifting but still hard lucky kick in your small, poor and lonely cunty nuts.

This song is one big bad spade of ace. Yeah!

8. Älä anna sille nimeä (4.23)

Are we still in the 80's? Apparently. The guitar and drums at the intro and VAN HALEN? Anyone else with me? Definitely. Then things get even more smoother, like in a cheesy, honey-filled ballad that only BON JOVI are cabable of bursting out.

This song is that one song MOKOMA always have to do in their album, done that since Kurimus. But the thing is again, this have been done better already, and most importanly, by themselves.

But wait, oh wait, oh wait, you little Hiawatha, wait you poor little child, until you get to the part at 2.45! The screams unleashed by Marko Annala is like straight from Chino Moreno's (DEFTONES) and black/exterme metal legend Ihsahn's (ex-EMPEROR) repertoire mixed together. Awesome, simply awesome but then things slow down to a vibe more familiar made by CMX.

9. Kalmannäkijä (4.43)

Punk-meets-attitude-meets-death metal-meets-punk-meets-black metal. And that is the most positive thing I've said about this album so far.

Dude (as there is only one reader in here anyway), this song is just like Rautaa rinnoista: something new and unique by MOKOMA team. I know it's hard to do something different, yet better than before when you go along with the same recipe for album after album but this song shows the power of MOKOMA. And the power of Marko Annala's love to Norway! And by that I am referring to DARKTHRONE my fellow penguin eaters and/or humpers.

While MOKOMA most definitely ain't AC/DC or MOTÖRHEAD, ci have to ask: "Can I have more songs like these, please?"

10. Hei hei Heinäkuu (3.54)

The title of this song, Bye bye July, should be changed to Bye bye Good Songs. Again, I repeat myself: been there, heard that.

Not only MOKOMA has done these kind of songs with more effort and with more eagerness and energy many times before, this is something I wasn't expecting to hear in this album and especially after the nine songs so far.

Though the lyrics are quite clever, since they could very well be written and copied to a sheet with few pictures of Finnish landscapes and then hand over to all the tourists travelling and visiting here, what to expect and what to get when you adore our beautiful nature. (This pharagraph was NOT sponsored by any of Finnihsh travel agencies, by the way.)

But anyway, let's just put it this way: I'd much rather spend my summer hours in vast green pastures listening to CATTLE DECAPITATION then this very song. So generous song that I won't even bother to type about it's boringness in here anymore.

11. Turhuuksien turhuus (3.44)

Am I listening to the same band as ten seconds ago? Yes, it seems so and how I wish this song would have been inspired the majority of the songs in here. Just like Sarvipää in the last record, Luihin Ja Ytimiin, among others, this song gets me speeding up my stinky poo-ish breath, my heart bouncing like a clown with a pogo-stick and waiting me to let out of the darn barn back to the field to go crazy like I'd have 666 mad cow diseases, in my left nipple.

And if in a song, just like in here, is a solo made famous by Jeff Hanneman and Kerry King of SLAYER (sorry, SLAYEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR!!!), then we sure have a hit, as hit as it gets for any of the metal fans creeping across the roads leading to ssouth of Heaven. What an ending for otherwise petty album.

But if you want to hear more good, evil, spiky thrash metal from Finland, set your hooves on your hip, wave those horns and get together with TUKKANUOTTA and SE, JOSTA EI PUHUTA.

You may be familiar with FAITH NO MORE's King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime album, where every other song was either smooth or weird jazzy-like lullaby, while every other song was either a kick-ass rocker or dark twist in your mouth. Sydänjuuret have smilar stand-point, except the songs either sound like forced-written by the band and simply dull or on the other hand they are either moderate or awesome. King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime succeded to do so much and also include so much styles into one album, and still managed to make it sound very fascinating and appealing, and it still is, after more than 15 years, and Jesus does it make my udder moist every single time I listen to it. Sydänjuuret on the other hand misses the one crucial point: the song writing taken to a next level in band's own yardstick.

The older MOKOMA has gotten, the less they farm those characteristic thrash riffs and I for one, miss them. I know I can hear them especially in their first two albums and MOKOMA have been trying to get the most done to shake the title of Finnish thrash metal band of their shoulders but doing these same basic metal songs album after album is also something worth to considering of shaking of either from shoulders or from their mindset.

While I know MOKOMA sure have done the best they can with this album and are very proud of the effort put for this album, like every artists should be, of course, and they most certainly won't care about my mooing in here, or as a matter of fact won't ever read this, but once again it has been proved: if an old doggie dog don't learn new tricks it becomes boring. MOKOMA either has to cut their long hairs and do the same move as PARADISE LOST or METALLICA did more than 10 years ago and write their One Second or Load, or either carry on doing the same shit like so far. If they choose the latter, then I must get something else to get my blood running in my udders. Like going back all the way to 2003 and enjoy my fix of MOKOMA's best track, Punainen Kukko (nevermind the stupid fan-made music video):

I am sure there a lot of new fans, who hear MOKOMA for the first time and get excited and hyped and follow them this summer in many of the festivals where they most likely are to play again and will like this album and think this is the best Finnish album ever but I for one will choose something else in my nightly barn dances then Sydänjuuret. Yes, that said, I am sure this album won't get a lot airplay after few weeks in here, in dark pitch-black corners of my warm barn metal barn. Just what have happened previously with MOKOMA and me. After the first excitement, I get bored with our relationship. I don't know if the problem is me or MOKO-Mans but I try to be honest with our relationship. While I might cheat sometimes (*Oops*) and hurdle to another ranges occasionally, I really wish MOKOMA bulls would show some new sides of themselves, and as soon as possible. This is starting to feel like a marriage nearing the end.

Now don't get me wrong here even it may seem like I am mocking MOKOMA's new album all the time like I mock your girlfriend, it's not completely true. This isn't as bad and horrible album as you think after reading this. I do like Sydänjuuret a bit, despite the negative approach of mine. And I've been very devoted fan, followed their every step from the first chords of Kurimus (though not being the "trve" fan, liking their first rehearsal tape the best) and sincerely waiting every new release they put out, and this wasn't an exception. I was expecting this a lot. Well, to be honest, maybe not as much as the debut of BARREN EARTH, released the same day, and also moo-worthly praised in here. You do remember that, right?

Not all in this album (and band) is bad, sad and un-rad, even thought you may still think so. First of all the sound (thanks to Miitri Aaltonen) and production (by both MOKOMA and Janne Saksa) is top-notch, as always in MOKOMA's records. Sydänjuuret sounds massive like my father's testicels...when he wasn't castrated yet. The sound they have is very pro, very high quality, just like my barn's milking machine's and the state-of-the-art automatic feeders. Another moo-worthy mention, besides guitar hero action all over the album, goes to Janne Hyrkäs, the well-oiled drum tractor. He seems to get better and better in every album. Truly a joy to listen to this bald guy at work. He has lift his bar everytime and still manages to sound so naturall and uncompromising. He could very well come to beat my bottocks any day.

Sure this is a fresh album for occasional digester of (metal) music. There is everything in Sydänjuuret for everybody, from daughter calf to father bull. It's a safe record for cattle in that sense, also having no curse words, as always the case with Marko Annala's lyrics. There's soft and mellow songs and also something for the youngsters who want their music as hard as hell. And for those youngsters album like this is a very good starting point to get into more extreme side of things. And in every song there is always little section(s) that add more good quality protein for the meal already available and it is something that stands out compared to the older songs.

But as always in world, there's a shitty side to everything and I always go back to basics, unless you are listening to bands like CONVULSE, who has been visiting my barn too, by the way. For more devoted fans of either/both MOKOMA and metal music in general, Sydänjuuret doesn't make the butter more ceramier than it alerady is, it still tastes the same, not exactly light version but the same ol', same ol'. Maybe some of the older MOKOMA fans already have abandoned this MOKOMA-leaden boat, and I know many of those ex-fans, truth be told, but no worries for captain M. Annala because as much as they lose their old fanbase, as much they get new loyal fans. Good for them, for fans and MOKOMA cruise.

But me, at the moment, cannot find the truth from this band. Sure, they are a welcomed visitor in my barn, anytime. No mistake about that but after this album I am not looking for MOKOMA when I want something jerky and beefy, especially after cudding this album non-stop for almost 24 hour. Sydänjuuret unfortunately doesn't tickle my udder as much I'd want it to be. Seems like MOKOMA is turning from mookoma to bookoma.

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Download

Buy

Ov Wolf and Cow

2010-03-26T23:28:00.014+02:00

Time to howl my dear milker friends! Just let it all out like it's a full moon again. C'mon, no one hears you... Okay, enough. I was wondering what would come out a crossbreed of a cow and a wolf. Perhaps a wolf with a weird, smelly and cetainly-make-you-to-laugh metabolism? Or a fucking cool looking carnivore cow? I honestly don't know but I do know that EVER CIRCLING WOLVES is more than your average everyday Joe can handle when meeting a real wild animal.
This band, once again from the vast metal music swards of Finland, is worth to bring out of the dark corners of a black barn after long and tiring winter season. As many of you very well know some pretty famous Finnish death/doom metal bands, like SWALLOW THE SUN, there are many many many bands still looking for their milky shot and their change to show to the whole wide world what they are cabable of delivering. EVER CIRCLING WOLVES is still without a record deal but I am sure that in no time, before I have time to milk my next gallon of creamy product, these guys from our capital, Helsinki, will write their names with blood (as every decent metal band should do, right?) to a some sort of contract. Hopefully a bloody good one!

Anyway, EVER CIRCLING WOLVES was originally just one-man band, mainly being the main project of singer/guitarist/song writer Henri Harnell, and it still is, other bands being melodic death metal band MEDICATED and death/thrash moonster MORG. In 2007 he wrote the first self-released demo tape Picturesque, Petrified, which can be bought and heard from their MySpace page. While the demo tape was completely done by himself (lyrics and songs written and performed by Henri Harnell, only drums tracked by Dani Nuutinen), it didn't take long for him to find other members in his band. In 2009 there were altogether four members: Henri Harnell handling guitar and vocal tasks, Otto Forsberg in other guitar, Arttu Kantola in bass and Niko Karjalainen playing drums. These four young musicians recorded their debut album The Silence from Your Room the same year.

Now let me tell you one thing: if you ever come to a situation, like you most likely will be in next few months, where you get bored of the constant sunshine, (butter)flies around your tasty ass and happiness around your fellow ruminants, then look..or listen to no further because the cure is right here! And it feels so much better than your daily enema. The Silence from Your Room will help you fight against fake smiles, wannabe-huggers and kissers and way too energetic friends of yours. All you need to do is get back from the field to your own lovely and warm barn, hit all the lights off immediately, creep under your bed, close your eyes, settle like a foetus and then simply let the lingering timbres from A Desperate Frolic to Shai-Hulud (The Creator Worm) flow into your ears. I guarantee you won't be the happiest moo-(wo)man after that. But it's not like you wanted to be anyway. So moo-hoo.

Download

Buy

Blog Without God

2010-03-26T14:41:00.029+02:00

"I'm your God now!", shouted, spat and screamed Robb Flynn and his friend Adam Duce in MACHINE HEAD's finest effort, Burn My Eyes, over 15 years ago. But oh how little did these four little zitheads from Nokia, Finland, know about these Oakland thrasher masters, or not that they even cared as a matter of fact, since it was already 1988, when these poor blonde and pale snotters were trying to tune their instruments in somewhat bearably playable condition. Somehow they finally succeeded.

First, after trying to play then-hyped speed/thrash metal, or some sort of variation of it in vein of STONE, under the name S.D.S. they changed it after one year to CONVULSE (which most certainly must NOT be confused with this horrible Italian "band" CONVULSED, *yaiks*) and released two demos, both from 1990, Rehearsal (very innovative and original title, right?) and then Resusciation of Evilness.

Then, after two years of playing live, finding their identity and place in the exciting and mystical wonder land of Metal Music and most probably following what The Masters were doing on the other side of the Ocean, not in America stupid, but in Sweden, in the land of tasty meatballs, *yummy*.

But, it's not time get hungry and fill the rumen yet. Instead, let's get back to ear candy, shall we? So, if Swedish death metal (yes, the one genre you should worship daily), is at least a bit familiar to you, you know already what CONVULSE is all about. Bands such as AUTOPSY, DISMEMBER, ENTOMBED, NIRVANA2002 and Nicke Anderssons's satan-as-fuck DEATH BREATH are very gladly to be associated with CONVULSE, or the other way around, it doesn't matter. But as the Swedish brothers and sisters were getting some fame and bigger audiences, poor Finnish death metallers, like DEMIGOD and SCUM, had to settle to play in much smaller venues (well, clubs most likely or not even those, because sometimes every place was fine as long as the band could play), just to understand that playing death metal wholeheartedly and with satan-filled soul in 1991 in Finland is not something that brings meatballs to the table to satisfy hard-working metal heads' hunger every day. Death metal was, and thank Godsatanorwhateveryouworshipanyway, still is music for the minority. Let's keep it that way.

But fortunately these few Finnish bands did carry on, at least a while, despite their lack of good fortune and bling-bling fame, exluding AMORPHIS that already was doing tours in USA in the 90's. So thanks to the efforts of these Finnish bands, we still have a chance to enjoy this high quality shit after many years. Relapse Records has done it previously with other amazing bands and now just re-released CONVULSE's debut album, World Without God, with their first demo tape, Resusciation of Evilness, and with two live tracks, live cover of VENOM's Countess Bathory and Incantation of Restoration, which both also can be found in Live in Pain single from 1994.

As I mentioned in my first post/review/whatever that the golden era of the 90's in Finnish death metal, early-AMORPHIS and their debut Karelian Isthmus and EP Privilege of Evil for example, spawned some now-hard-to-find-classics. And CONVULSE's World Without God is one of those. If tracks like Powerstruggle of Belief doesn't make you bang your head and go more than mentally crazy like a pirate with scurvy after getting an overdose of vitamin C (I know one cannot OD on vitamin C but this isn't a biology lesson after all), you better check the date in your Death Metal Certificate and update it immediately. And holy ma'fukin'cowly if the title track of their first demo tape, Resusciation of Evilness, would have been done any of the Swedish death metal bands mentioned above, it most certainly would nowadays be one of the prime examples of the pure, classic and undisputed Swedish death fucking metal.

Speaking of which, you might have seen and heard... I mean, you should own this great 3-CD compilation from last year, simply titled Swedish Death Metal. If there one day is another, similar to that, but only gathering Finnish death metal bands together and concentrating on that a-fist-in-your-face era, then CONVULSE will be in that compiltation undoubtetly. CONVULSE's songs make my red, juicy meat turn into more and more tastier, bigger and crunchier than it already is. Their songs on the debut album show an obvious talent of doing the one of the best things music has ever created: pure death metal. And the way it should be presented: raw, dark, massive, crushing and groovy as udders. But just like most of their fellow metalheads in that era, CONVULSE also changed their style more towards to death 'n' roll. Their second album, Reflections, released 1994, was a shift to something else. After that CONVULSE was buried but of course, is not forgotten.

But damn, World Without God should be in the same category as ENTOMBED's and DISMEMBER's first two albums. Am I exaggerating way way way too much now or am I just being subjective because CONVULSE is a Finnish band? I say: "Cud you!!!".

So, here's your change to re-live those years again and again when every new band seemed to offer something special, new and unique and emerged more and more acts to crush your skull and made you wave those hooves like you just don't care. Get this album. Now! You hear me? This album is already one raging cow, and me turning into one is not nice to witness, so do as I moo.

Download

Buy

No Holds Barred!

2010-03-25T17:55:00.012+02:00

While many of you crazy "trve" metal meat heads (me included) surely have been anticipating very anxiously the very first release of TRIPTYKON (Tom Gabriel Fischer aka Tom G. Warrior's, the founder of CELTIC FROST, new band), Eparistera Daimones, like the second coming of the Satan himself (and his little friend...), it was solely the BARREN EARTH’s debut album, Curse of the Red River, and its release date (24.3.2010) that got my juicy snow white milk bursting out of my udder 200 mph and making it the most fattest cream, shining like gold in the sunhine, you’ve ever seen, tasted or snorted. That means it is good, you product of fat-phobiazed modern generation!

Curse of the Red River is The Reason there is again another useless music blog (that no one even will read *sigh*) in the world wide web of the intershitweb and wannabe-music hipsters and other kooky music critics that don’t know shit! But fortunately I do know. I know when I smell shit near me or taste shit in my slimy crooked mouth. And now, bulls and milky cow friends of mine, we are talking about something else than my own brown product. BARREN EARTH's debut album is far far far away from the green grass lands of shit piles. No fear of slipping down and cursing afterwards or falling down and then stand up just to notice you are covered all over, from hoof to tongue, of this not-so-magical waste of the black hole. This album IS Finnish Metal like it sould be presented to other countries in this very year! To some listeners it might paint effects and landscapes of that soft brown toxic ice cream (you know what I am talking about) but those music fans have nothing to do with good metallic taste or brain capacity to separate its own feces of another fellow creature.

Am I talking about you? No. You wouldn't be reading this anymore, if those mutants are even cabable of reading after all. Who knows. But before I go on, there's one particular point that needs to be made clear right now in my very first post. Besides BARREN EARTH, (remember to look evil, grin a bit like a little devil you are and show those horns every time you say those magic words BARREN and EARTH, okay?) there is one reason more for launching this blog ie. metal barn. This one fuckin' Swede Bastard (but lovely, no matter where you look at it) has done good work on that blog for several years and (s)he’s the one you should thank for this am-mooo-sing blog name. Also be sure to check out this great site, where you can get all the latest goodies and old classics in no time: Angrychairs Redux.

But I sure ain't here to talk about Swedish people, my love for them, kötbullors, my love for them too, or other unusual habits of our (damn) neighbour country citizens, let the Bastard’s blog do that. Clear? And by the way, (s)he sure does a damn fine job for making Swedes looking even more stupid than they already are. Thank you, you Honey. I love you.

Anyway, enough of bull…err, sorry, cowshit, time to move on and finally go to the point: MUUUUU-SIC. This blog is mostly concentrating on music and trying to provide high quality releases as much as possible to your rotten and greedy ears. I’m not saying how often though, but the thing that matters here is as simple as it gets: Metal Music…up in your ass!!! So, here we go.

Up the horns, rumens and udders!

BARREN EARTH (Homepage and MySpace) is one of those so called super groups you’ve heard of thousands and thousands of time before. You sure know BLOODBATH for example. BARREN EARTH ain’t an exception to the rule. It's a band of many talented and gifted Finnish musicians making the most high standard metal music at the moment. Members from bands such as ALGHAZANTH, AMORPHIS, ARTHEMESIA, CHAOSBREED, ENTER MY SILENCE, FUNERIS NOCTURNUM, KREATOR, MANNHAI, MOONSORROW, RYTMIHÄIRIÖ, SWALLOW THE SUN, WALTARI makes it possible to proudly announce that it's not far fetched that THESE, and I mean especially these, guys have more than some skills (more than figuring out which and what is or isn't their own feces) and experience under their old retro bullet belts and far gone corpse paints.

In fall 2009 they released a four-song EP, Our Twilight, and six months later it was time to put out the very first full-length, Curse of the Red River. As there is obvious influences from 70’s throughout the album from bands as JETHRO TULL and The Mighty PINK FLOYD, it is the 90’s and one classic metal band and their albums from that golden era that draws the most attention in here: AMOPRPHIS. This album is like a mix of both Tales from the Thousand Lakes and Elegy updated to this year with more muscular sound and great mix. This album is the way those two albums would exactly sound like today! Job done good for once!

Not only Kasper Mårtenson’s keyboards, especially in his solo spots, take you straight back to 1994 and to Tales from the Thousand Lakes' atmosphere but it is Mikko Kotamäki’s vocals that also revives some great memories of those two gems from Finnish metal history. Mikko Kotamäki does an astonishing job delivering both dark, deep and yes, those demonic vocals that only Mikael Åkerfeldt, the mastermind behind the one of the best death/proge/experimental metal bands in the last 10 years besides BLOODBATH: OPETH, also known of collaboration with Travis Smith, who, surprise, surprise, has also done the cover for Curse of the Red River! But as Mikko Kotamäki knee-deeply growls and creeps in to your head (since there is a lot of room to be filled anyway) he also uses the other extreme of his spectacular voice: tenderness and clear beautiful singing…just like Pasi Koskinen did in Elegy back in 1996.

But the hyping doesn’t end there. No way! What also needs to be praised is the magnificent guitar work by both Janne Perttilä and that monster soloist Sami Yli-Sirniö. If only solos like these would have been in AMORPHIS’ albums back then, they would need to be in everybody’s home stereos weekly, if not daily. Those albums would have been like the audio version of our epic tale Kalevala.

From the poetic pages of Kalevala, it's natural to do a jump to another epic Finnish product: KINGSTON WALL. If you have ever heard or was lucky enough to able to witness live these guys (RIP Petri Walli), you know that not only they did magnificent work producing some of the finest proge rock in the world, but also did an amazing job playing it to the live audience. I am not saying that BARREN EARTH should, or not that they are even able to, be compared to them, but besides the influences mentioned earlier, you can also sense the spirit of KINGSTON WALL too in a very good sense, not ripping off, but spicing their own soup with a touch from KINGSTON WALL's unique recipe. Again: job diddley diddley done good!

I know you are bored to read this already so time to give you a little hint: listen to this album. Enjoy this album because there's no other choice for you once you've tucked your earplugs in your filthy ears or blasted it in your home or car stereos and pressed play.

I sure do love Curse of the Red River like I love to chive in the field of green fresh moist morning hay and devour it in four seconds.

This album is the tits!...sorry, of course I mean udders!!!

Download
Buy

Download

Buy